Dadaisms

The problem with society is “normal”. People bandy the word about as if it’s the simplest thing in the world; as if it’s an uncomplicated and unproblematic concept. They apply it to class, to race, to gender, to sexuality – “just act normally”, or “be a normal white man”, or “be a normal woman”. My personal favourite is “I don’t understand what all the fuss in life is for, everyone in society is normal and equal, and sexual rights just aren’t a big issue any more. Why can’t everyone just behave normally?” These sorts of phrases pop up everywhere around the time of Pride – online, in books, in magazines, in newspapers.

What a load of manky tripe.

Before I even begin to unpack my thoughts, think about these:

Who defines what “normal” is?

What makes someone “normal” in relation to class, gender, race, sexuality etc?

What happens if you’re not “normal”?

Normality shifts from society to society, period to period. It was normal for women to be housewives and never aspire to anything more at one point – it was normal for them to be at home all day, cooking and cleaning. Deviate away from that and who knows what you may be called. It was normal for Jews to be regarded as second class citizens, sub-human even. It was normal for “non-white” (vile term) people to be completely disregarded and horrifically abused for decades in South Africa. Here’re a couple of pictures of normal:

 When it comes to an event like Pride staying indoors and complaining about the abnormality of the activities or the people, and questioning why they don’t just behave “normally” seems a tad bit removed from the situation. People don’t seem to realise that the problem is normality itself, coupled with that unquestioning attitude that assumes normality “works”.  A common response is “yes, but why do gay people [ignoring the spectrum of sexualities, of course] have to draw attention to themselves like this?”

There are two very simple hand-in-hand responses: 1) Why shouldn’t they draw attention and celebrate? 2) They need to.

Because the fact remains that despite legal and social advances, despite shifts in attitudes, and despite changes in opinions the world is still deeply homophobic. Let me explain what Pride means to me:

Pride, through my experience of it here in Brighton, is about celebrating the diversity of humanity. 160 000 people – what an incredible number – flocked to the city to celebrate. Sure, they may not all be activists. But the fact is they were there enjoying the day, knowing what it was and what it was for. There were people from all walks of life: straight families with young kids walking around with Drag Queens; old lesbian couples; people dressed in leather; gay muscle boys; emo kids…anything you can think of. And they were all there on the day dedicated to “Pride and No Prejudice”.  Sure, you can criticise Pride for being very commercial – but hey, everything is commercial these days. You can subscribe to God on your TV for a small monthly fee.  But overlook the commercial aspect and you’ll see a celebration of diversity.

And surely, if we have to have a bar of “normality”, that is a healthier one? One where people can walk around being whoever they want, celebrating that fact, and everyone smiles and waves and joins in. Ideal, yes.

Pride is also about visibility. I’m against these “Mr Gay” pageants in general, as they tend to foster the same images of visibility. Those awful assimilationist images that conform to “normality”. In South Africa that’s the image of the white, “straight-acting”, muscular, middle class, successful, white, urban gay man. The point of it is to say “hello everyone, I’m gay but I’m just like you! I’m NORMAL!”

Sorry dear, but you’re actually not. You’re not straight – so immediately you’re not normal. Because that’s the problem with “normal”. It’s an unachievable ideology: it’s an intangible concept. The more you break it down the more you realise how silly you are for thinking it’s an achievable goal. Sure, you can think of yourself as normal – I’m sure many people do. But in relation to the rest of society hardly anyone is actually “normal”.

If society at large, buying into the ideology of “normal”, had its way there would be no diversity in sexuality. Period. There would be a tolerated (only tolerated? how sad) image of homosexuality – dictated by those in power – and those who didn’t “fit” would be social outcasts. Nonsense? No, actually. Just look at history. In fact, just look at today. People who don’t “fit” are misunderstood and turned into social pariahs of various degrees. So the question of visibility is a poignant one: people need to be seen, people need to be made to feel uncomfortable. Because then they question – and questioning is necessary for growth. Downplaying sexuality and being “normal” doesn’t foster visibility.

There’s a difference between something being in your face and something being hostile and aggressive. Of course not everyone wants to dress up in drag, or walk on all fours whilst wearing a leather dog suit.  But no-one can call themselves progressive, diverse, accepting or tolerant without appreciating the multitude of identities that exist. And I do believe that no one can call themselves truly comfortable with their own identities, own values, own perspectives if they feel the need to complain or push for a level of normality when it comes gender and sexuality performances. Now of course I feel more comfortable in certain spaces than I do in others – but the difference is I’m quite content for those people who do feel comfortable in the “other” spaces to celebrate it, shout it from the rooftops, march in a parade, and make a point of people knowing it. If things are in your face then you can choose to ignore them or to embrace them. My personal attitude is “if people don’t like it then they’re welcome to positively engage with me with the intention of changing their perspectives, or they’re welcome to sod off”. Years (23 thus far) of growing up in a society that is fundamentally against you – fundamentally trying to change what you feel like and make you “normal” – and you eventually get to a point of being comfortable with yourself. Secure in your identity. And the world be damned if it’s going to take that away again!

The point here is diversity. And how is diversity supposed to flourish and be celebrated under that awful banner of assimilation and “normality”?

Critics say “Pride only perpetuates stereotypes about gay people”. I say that it’s better to increase visibility so that images enter the mainstream, are spoken about, and educational material becomes freely available rather than try and make every person a clone of a ridiculous notion of “normal homosexuality”.

Critics say “But being flamboyant and drawing attention to yourselves is asking for trouble”. Asking for trouble? Such ignorance. I – and all of my friends – have experienced homophobic abuse in the most “normal” of places, doing the most “normal” of things. If homophobia exists then homophobia exists. It’s very easy for heterosexual critics to use this argument, as they’ve never been at the receiving end of such abuse. They can only empathise. Abuse feels the same regardless of whether  a man is wearing pants or a dress.

The problem is, again, education. And Pride, as I’ve already said, is a remarkable venture in encouraging support, visibility and education. The float that gained the biggest amount of support was the “remembering homophobic victims” float. So despite the festivities Pride contains a deeper underlying social message that is/was pushed throughout.  Sure we can educate people by downplaying diversity, taking things slow, allowing time for adjustment. That’s how “normality” works – it does everything at the convenience of the (heterosexual) majority.

But there will always – always – be a need for those brave enough to push society harder. There will always be a need for those people who realise that existing in this state of forced normality is horrific for so many millions. Generations will fly by and we’ll still be going at the same pace. That sounds like a great standard of life, doesn’t it?

Such underlying intolerance really infuriates me. How dare anyone criticise someone who is brave enough to be themselves? What double standards from anyone living in the West! We claim to support human rights and the right to be an individual – and yet place restrictions on this based on a long-existing  definition of normality.

And how sad that an event like Brighton Pride – an event  that made so many thousands feel affirmed, feel positive, feel accepted – may be marked by those haters who are bound by antiquated gender and sexuality ideologies.

People need to realise that all things Queer – which, for those of you reading this who may not know it, is a positive and politically active term to refer to all those sexualities that go against the norm – are like all other things in life: they’re messy. They’re not perfect. The message of Pride is never “hey, we’re perfect”. Instead, it’s always “hey, we’re human”. So if someone calls themselves progressive, calls themselves a gay rights supporter, then they need to realise that Queerness comes with the good and the bad. A wonderful quote from the book Pride: Protest and Celebration springs to mind. It’s from an open letter to the “normal” “gay community” by Steven Cohen regarding his controversial banner for the 1996 SA Pride. In it he says:

“[I]’ve got nothing but scorn for you bitches on a cleansing sweep, shrieking “You don’t represent us!”. No, sweetie, I represent myself. You find that intolerable. And so you tell me not to represent myself but to represent you in a way you approve of…The queer voice is a chorus which must include activists, drags, drugged dead-heads, freaks, perverts […and] sluts”

You may not like it, but it’s true. You have to accept the good and the bad. And let’s try not to pin all the negatives on “gay culture” or queerness – straight people have unsafe sex, straight people use drugs. Those are educational issues, not sexual rights issues.

Many may feel we’re existing in a happy society, where everyone is equal in terms of gender or sexuality. What utter nonsense. The epitome of ignorance.

I think a great deal of opposition and a great deal of intolerance comes from a discomfort with gender performance. Men performing femininity; women performing masculinity; men performing both; women performing more. Pride is about breaking those down, and showing that “man” is a shallow concept. There’s nothing that is essentially “male”. Or female.  It makes people uneasy to have something so seemingly fundamental taken away.

But there are three strategies to deal with this: 1) Ignore it. Carry on living in your bubble, in your socially irresponsible fantasy. 2) Oppose it, and contribute to the vile hatred that is in the world. 3) Embrace it: educate yourself, and reconcile your mind with the idea that the world isn’t made up of absolutes.

I do believe that only the third option is viable if you’re someone who claims to be socially conscious and socially responsible. 

And Pride is one of the best ways to help you realise that. You don’t have to love drag, you don’t have to have a desire to be left in an S&M dungeon for 3 months. But a lack of desire shouldn’t equate with dislike and negativity.

The world is messy, the world is complicated. The world isn’t “normal”. So stop trying to think about life in relation to this vague concept called “normality”.

Because those people who do think about the world in such absolute terms, those people who try and put things into static boxes, are the people who land up lonely and standing on the sidelines of life.

Embrace diversity. Reaffirm people. Love.

And thank you to my amazing friends for sharing this last weekend with me. I love you all.

Peace x

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Greetings yet again! I’ve nearly been here for a month already, and I feel like I’ve been here for a week!

Since the last time I wrote much has happened. Including me being exposed to some nasty international bugs that put me out for a few days, and me managing to get a mild bit of food poisoning. Other than that it has all been positive. I’m drinking far too much Coca Cola (99p stores are evil - 3 cans for 99p I tell you!), but on the flip side I’m eating hardly any meat and am loving smoked tofu. And I’m walking everywhere, so I’m getting quite a bit of exercise.

My most urgent goal over the past few weeks has been to buy clothes. Warm clothes. Number one on that list has been to acquire a pair of boots. Not going to well: I’ve been distracted by far too many goodies. Including a pair of formal *very shiny* silver shoes (which everyone loves, so they’re well-purchased); a bright green houndstooth hoodie; high heels (see below); hot pants (see below); and fishnets (see below!). So the quest for sustainable clothing continues.

Of course, I have now started lectures. Sussex has a beautiful campus. It’s very similar to the architecture of UKZN, but the lecture halls are ALL equipped with projectors (that aren’t stolen), computers and Internet connections, sound systems, and coffee machines. Ok, well, there aren’t coffee machines in the lecture rooms, but close enough! What I find fantastic is the number of trees on campus. It’s so GREEN. So the architecture doesn’t stand out as much as it does, for example, in Durban. It’s great to sit on the grass in between lectures. Provided, of course, that you can avoid being stalked by murderous seagulls with lust in their eyes. They hunt you down on foot, take to wing and snatch the food from your hands. I jest not. Beware the seagulls.

My course is fantastic. I’m particularly enjoying the gender studies aspect. We’re only just getting through core approaches, but I can tell that this term is going to be very interesting. My classmates include a Fijian, a Romanian, an Iranian, and a Pakistani - so all our conversations integrate examples from across the globe. I’ve found it fantastic to hear how their respective societies function. I’m looking forward to learning more.

I’ve also been rather active outside of class - whenever I haven’t been in my room reading, which is most of the time. I was lucky enough to be selected for a chorus part in the University production of West Side Story. Because it’s not a major role I don’t rehearse that often, so it isn’t affecting my studies. The cast and crew are great, and I’m really enjoying the dancing and acting releases from academics. Combined with the different evenings over the week - such as open mic nights, quiz evenings, tours of the city - I’ve been very busy. I went on a tour to Stonehenge and Bath: incredible. I’ve posted the link to my photo album below. My greatest excitement, however, is the approach of next Thursday, when I’m going to see Rocky Horror live. We’re dressing up, thus the reason behind the purchasing of the heels etc. Everyone in the city seems really excited about it: all the costume shops are running out of corsets and Frank outfits. I’ll be sure to take photos!

Tonight, 24 October, was the “White Night” festival. It’s a celebration of setting the clocks back 1 hour. The basic concept is that we have an extra hour, so why not use it to celebrate the arts? There were various exhibitions, gigs, tours and concerts happening throughout the city - most free - that one could wander around to. It was a beautiful evening to walk around. We started off by catching a bus tour of the city. Little did we know it lasted 1.5 hours. And we were placed on the top half of an OPEN double-decker  bus. Well. “Freezing” and “wind-swept” are hardly adequate in describing our condition after that. But we warmed up in a lovely burger bar, and set about exploring the scene. The Royal Pavilion, Brighton’s “palace”, built during the 1800s but sold by Queen Victoria later on, was open for the night. It’s not usually open during the evenings, so it was a real treat to get to see inside with all the lights lit. Wow, WHAT an incredible experience. The palace is a museum, decorated with a Chinese theme. What’s amusing is that none of the original decorators or designers had ever been to China, so it’s a typical colonial period depiction of “the Other” - OTT and exotic. But breathtakingly beautiful. The music room was particularly magnificent: its high ceiling, elaborate velvet curtains, lit fire and incredible chandeliers created the perfect atmosphere for the members of the Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra playing Mendelssohn.

This wonderful festival ended for me on a very special note. Quite by chance, Peter and I walked past the Brighton Town Hall, where a large crowd had gathered to watch one of the acts. We looked up, and on the balcony of the beautiful town hall building, surrounded by massive red velvet drapes that were billowing in the wind, was a drag queen. She was wearing a magnificent white ballgown, complete with sequins, Eva Peron hairdo and a diamante necklace/earring combo. She sang a few numbers, and ended her performance with “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” (of course). As she reached the crescendo of the chorus, the crowd below, gazing lovingly up at her, began to sing along. I spotted several tears glistening off the faces of the participants. As any good drag queen would do, she raised her arms in a mock Madonna/Evita pose, and the crowd of cheered.

I love Brighton.

Where else in the world could you assemble a random crowd that would know all the words to an Andrew Lloyd Webber number and clap in wild support of their gender-defying leader?

Links to my photos:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=158211&id=503735358&l=68034a2880

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=163244&id=503735358&l=1cdd534b1b

Love to all

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