I think that it says a lot about how aware homosexuals are to the concept of being ‘abnormal”to so many people. But unfortunately, as long as being anything other than straight is seen as the minority, or so many peoples attitudes are wrongly strayed, I feel that it will be hard for that ‘normality’ to change or even better, be slowly disregarded!

Ali x

“You must come out. Come out… to your parents… I know that it is hard and will hurt them but think about how they will hurt you in the voting booth! Come out to your relatives… come out to your friends… if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors… to your fellow workers… to the people who work where you eat and shop… come out only to the people you know, and who know you. Not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake. For the sake of the youngsters who are becoming scared by the votes from Dade to Eugene.”

It seems that we are trapped by a majority who is first of all just plain dumb, but also scared and insecure. Just as some Arabs were scared of photographers from the west in the early 20th century, because they thought that by taking a picture, the camera would steal their soul… Eventually they grew out of that fear, as I hope the majority will stop projecting upon us their fears and discomforts about their own sexuality and ideas how genders are supposed to be and denying us fundamental human rights.

I don;t have a problem with campo ir effiminate guys as such, but I do have a problem with the number of them in the public eye and the fatc that despite 40 years of huge advances in gay acceptance in society, the stereotype persists.

To the general population, gay people are like Graham Norton, Alan Carr or even Matt Lucas. Someone like Gok Wan who does NOT mince in real life and apart from an abiding interest in fashion has nothing stereotypically “gay” about him has to play it all up fror his TV persona, because it’s what peoploe “expect”. Look at all the LGBT people they’ve ever had on Big Brother: they have always conformed to the perceived stereotypes.

I just wish that there was a greater variety of gay role models in the public eye, and that those of us who are completely “mainstream” in every respect of our jobs and lifestyles apart from the gender of the people we haver sex with, could be accepted with less surprise when we are put into a position of having to come out - camper or more effete guys generally don’t need to come out anyway and are more easily accepted by their families and communities because they are already ASSUMED to be “differewnt”. The rest of us don’t have such a luxury and have much more of an uphill battle.

This is why it’s important for gay sportsmen, businessmen, politicians and other more “boring” people to be out and unhidden so that there is less of a stigma about it, and there is less pressure on gays to act up the campness simply because it’s part of what the rest of the population expect of them.

One thing to add is, though, what irritates me most is that some gay people hate effeminate gays “because they perpetuate the stereotyping of gay populations as a whole.” I totally understand their feeling against being stereotyped and seen as feminite just because they are gay, but I respect each individual’s choise of how they present themselves to the world. Plus, once we queers gain greater visibility and present to society the diversity of queer communities, effeminate gays will no longer be blamed for stereotypes that they are accused of perpetuating. If attacking effeminate gays is only possible on the condition that society does not recognize the diversity of gay people (and I think that’s the case at the moment), then the act of blaming them is of a political nature — meaning, it is a political action of silencing some of us so that we would look different (less threatening to the anti-trans norms, etc.) from who we really are, as if masculine gays were granted privilege of representing the whole gay population.

If I’m describing my ideal guy then there is no feminine side and when I used go out to hook up I’d avoid those types but if I was introduced to a feminine guy and ended up finding him attractive I wouldn’t be bothered by it and I wouldn’t try to change them.

They don’t irritate me or intimidate me.

Now, having said all they are a fem in the bedroom then I’d be kicking them out the door.

I have been fem at times. I’m built like a rugby player, straight acting, but have worked (successfully) as a drag queen. I hated guys who liked me as a fem.

Hope that helps. Not sure it does. Am happy to help more if need be.